At her two week well baby check, she had regained her birth weight. The doctor commented on how alert she was! She was always looking around. They measured her again at 22 and a 1/4 inches. My mom said she could not have grown two inches already, that maybe her birth measurement of 20.5 inches was off (she was quite curled up). Anyway, they said 100th percentile for height. My long baby.
At 9 days old, we went to see our photographer friend Shoey for Cordelia's new born portraits. It was an exciting experience, and the results turned out amazing. Cordelia wanted to do everything during the photoshoot. Sometimes she was awake, others asleep, eaing, or crying. It gave us a fun range of pictures, not just of a sleepy newborn. But she is very sweet as she sleeps:
Jason went back to work after two weeks, which left me alone with Cordelia 6-8 hours or so a day. I was not very happy about this, as it happened when baby blues were hitting me. I was overwhelmed.
That first month I had horrible horrible times trying to deal with important things because I just felt so overwhelmed, I couldn't bear confusing forms. But I got my disability leave settled and money started getting transferred after the stupid waiting period. Health insurance gave me all kinds of problems and I have applied for medical for some sort of affordable option, since my work insurance option was astronomical ($700/month). It has been slow goings. Medical sent her a card, but two months later I am still waiting to hear if she can stay in the program. Scanning pay stubs and such was so stressful, especially with websites not working as they should and having to call tech support. I just couldn't handle it at the time, on top of having just given birth and struggling with breastfeeding discomfort and lack of sleep. I was plagued with guilt that I wasn't taking care of my child properly. My mom insisted the only thing I was guilt of was ignorance of the process and that just to take care of one thing at a time. Cordelia's Kaiser coverage ran out at 1 month after birth and there was a brief lapse between that and the start of when her crappy Blue Shield plan that I signed her up for began. I was terrified something would happen to her in that time. On the last day of her Kaiser insurance, I took her in because of pinkness in her eye. I was worried she had pink eye from her cousin. The nurse agreed her eye wasn't as clear as it could be, so we got some drops that I used for a week until it finally, finally cleared up.
I was also super worried about her bellybutton, as she knocked her cord stump off at 10 days old and it was still gooey and oozed a light amount of pus for over a month. But the doctor assured me it was normal. UG! That was definitely a surprise. I had no idea how and stinky huge the cord stump would be and did not expect the icky flat part from where it was clamped. Cordelia became aware of it and kept knocking it, so even with our best efforts to keep it dry and protected, she just knocked it off before it was fully dried up. If she ever is dissatisfied with how her belly button turns out as an adult, I will tell her it is all her own fault. It took forever to heal and I'm still not sure if it is an innie or an outie.
Talking with Donica helped ease the last of my baby blues, it was good to hear from another mom who had been through it. And eventually, I started feeling less stressed and more competent by day (although nights were still sometimes trying).
The first month was a time of figuring things out and trying not to freak out about being responsible for a new life. You're in wonder, in awe, and also sometimes scared because you don't know what's normal and what isn't. Your boobs hurt and you are sleep deprived and you watch a LOT of TV because your brain can't handle sitting up, alone, feeding your baby at all hours for hours and hours. You try and sleep when your baby is sleeping, but that also comes at the cost of time needed to go to the bathroom, eat something because you are constantly hungry from burning calories producing milk, or take a shower. And by then your baby is awake again. Jason did great keeping me supplied with two water bottles at all times. It took me about 8 weeks to fully recover from giving birth too.
Fortunately, in all of this, Cordelia was a great baby right from the start. She has her fussy times, but in general she has a sweet, happy disposition. We were in love with her from the start and just couldn't get over her cuteness. Jason loves getting pictures of her smiling, which she seemed to do so often, even before social smiles emerge. She was fascinated by "her" mirror at the changing table and would stare at all the moving shapes in it. Jason and I failed at diapering though. Even though I've chaned many kid diapers, I'd never done a baby's. We were making them too loose, because we were afraid that too tight would bother her. Turns out, tight is a must, pull those tabs until they meet in the middle or are even overlapped a bit... Her diapers were leaking regularly, adding sheet changes to our late night activities. The pee would just flow up her back and out, not even touching the diaper! Noob mistake, fortunately brother in law Jonathan set us straight. Oh yes, and for the first three weeks or so we didn't use wipes. As recommended by doctors, we used these thick paper towel like things Kaiser sent us home with and warm water. We got smart and kept a thermos by the changing table. Cordelia did fine when we at last ran out of the towels and switched to wipes. We started cloth diapering (not exclusively) the following month....
I used to say, "I'm nursing my young!" Her sweet nursey-face was like a little puppy or some sort of animal... it really reminded me, yes, you are a MAMMAL! Sometimes she will throw an arm over her head as she nurses; I call it her woe-is-me pose. I constantly tell her, "You can have all the milkies you want, little girl," so she knows the good stuff is just for her and she can nurse as much as she likes.
My first solo outing with her was to the WC OFS, where the teachers were having a staff day. I arrived around lunch time. Heidi saw me walking in the parking lot and her mouth fell open in excitement and maybe she gasped. Seeing her face, Alex said she imagined that Susan was being chased by the wild turkeys that roam around. No idea why that popped into her head, but pretty hilarious. Everyone was so excited to see her (and me). And it made me feel pretty good. Still, for the most part, I prefer going out with Jason there as support.
The last crazy thing we did that first month, which I do not recommend for exhausted new moms, is buy a car. We'd been looking for some time, and had some money designated for the downpaymet, as Jason's old car would stall, especially in hot weather. With summer arriving and with a new baby, it just wasn't a safe option and I was dreading the day it would die for good, most likely in the middle of the free way or busy street. Jason saw a car he didn't want to pass up, a 2010 Honda Insight, with good mileage and even the color we liked (silver). So we got things rolling, and bought a car. It took a couple of days after initially checking it out to go to filling out all the paperwork and getting the best deal that we could. Jason is a proud hybrid driver, to keep Cordelia safe and eco friendly. Now I was officially, officially a grown up. I'd birthed a baby, and I'd bought my first car without familial assistance. The car was ours on Cordelia's one month birthday!
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