Only 2 months left until 1 year!! I can't stand it!!
About Phoebe this month: I'm crawling a lot more, learning to pull myself up, waking up every night again, loving finger food, and giving hugs to stuffed animals! I can say (somewhat indiscriminately at times) Mama and Dada and Cat and Dog and That. All things fall into these categories, whether it is a bear or a dog. I like my sister, Miss Belle, and my paci for sleep. I don't like falling asleep.
Phoebe's favorite game is to hold up 1 finger and have you touch it with 1 finger and go "Bbbzzzzzzt!" like an electric shock. She also makes razzing sounds to try and emulate you. It is the cutes thing.
Thursday, June 1, 2017
Willow
Well, as I posted on Facebook, our cat Willow died unexpectedly on March 27th.
Here is what I wrote there:
"Heartbroken to find my fur baby Willow had suddenly passed today. She had thrown up a little in the past few days, but nothing indicated she was very ill. Maybe she ate some bad. It was a shock, but at least she didn't suffer long. I cannot believe she won't be asleep at my feet tonight.
Here is what I wrote there:
"Heartbroken to find my fur baby Willow had suddenly passed today. She had thrown up a little in the past few days, but nothing indicated she was very ill. Maybe she ate some bad. It was a shock, but at least she didn't suffer long. I cannot believe she won't be asleep at my feet tonight.
We had almost 10 years together. Jason got her for me when we still lived in Riverside. We fell in love with her because her purr sounded like she was trilling. We came to know she would make that sound when she was very happy. Her regular purr was a loud rumble. She journeyed with us from dating, to marriage, and parenthood. She moved with us 5 times. She got out of the house twice, once for 24 hours and once for 2 hours, but both times I felt it was a miracle to get her back to us. She tolerated the adoption of Miss Belle. But the one she truly loved was Cordelia.
Cordelia always says, "we have two cats. Miss Belle is a shy cat and Miss Willow is a brave cat." Willow and Cordelia had such a special bond. Cordelia took such pride in being a Pet Owner. Willow would let her pet her and play with her, never once scratched her, even on accident. One of Cordelia's first words was "Wiwo". She was the best cat and a true member of our family.
I will admit, we've had a little less time for the cats since Phoebe was born, but Willow was always just lounging around the house, a nice furry lump. Willow woke me twice in the night yesterday, coughing, and I petted her a lot and heard her loud purr, so at least we had a goodbye of sorts. I'm glad it happened quickly, if it had to be. Tonight we held a funeral and buried her in a soft towel, with flowers. Rest In Peace under all the stars, my precious Willow-Baby. I love you and my heart is broken without you."
It's been tough and Cordelia is working on processing Death. In some ways it helps but in someways not, but this was actually the third pet death in a month as Jason's mom also had to put two animals down due to illness/age related issues. Cordelia was not much phased by those, but we did send good thoughts out to them and do a family hug. I guess that is our way of saying a prayer or whatever. We used very direct language-- no "went to sleep" or "heaven" etc. confusing talk.
I have to say, it kind of crossed my mind that Willow could die, but that was truly only because of the other recent pet deaths that it was on my mind. Willow was almost 10, not super old. She was fat, but had started to lose some weight recently, but we had also switched to only dry food, and a "healthy weight" kind at that, so if anything, I thought that she was probably doing a little better. She threw up a couple times, but cats throw up plenty and it was mostly clear. I also heard her coughing, working on throwing up. So it was never even to a point that I suggested we take her to the vet. As I said, she woke me coughing, and I petted her, so we had a goodbye together. That morning, she disappeared and I thought she was under the bed, and slightly concerned, searched for her before I left but couldn't see her there. When I got home, I looked again, but couldn't find her. When Jason got home, I reported I still hadn't located Willow, and had him start to search. Alas, he found her, lying in Cordelia's closet. Her body was already stiff.
It was a kind of parenting crisis, in that I had to process the loss quickly and decide how to handle it for Cordelia. It was late in the evening, very close to bed time. Cordelia was finishing dinner and in fact, appeared in the hall, asking for dessert. I got her dessert to eat while we prepared. We quickly put a towel in a basket and laid Willow in the basket and then had Cordelia sit on the couch to give her the news. We told her that something sad had happened and that Willow had died, that she wasn't alive and wouldn't be moving around anymore. We brought over the basket and we were able to pet her and say goodbye. I will never forget the softness of her white fur as I stroked her goodbye. My fur-baby. Even Belle came over to say goodbye. Cordelia was very sad. She asked if she could watch the Sierra (lynx) video to feel better. We worked out logistics, Jason dug the grave while I fed Phoebe who was getting very, very tired.
We buried her then, even though it was night time. We brought out a candle and also used Jason's headlights for extra light. I hope it wasn't too dark to be spooky for her. We wrapped her in a soft towel and buried her with flowers. We had a lot of flowers thanks to it being our anniversary the week prior, thanks honey. Cordelia wanted to get her shovel to help put the dirt on the top, right when Jason was done, but we let her do a little. Then I had to put Phoebe straight to bed. Jason stayed up and let Cordelia finish the Sierra video.
---
Well it's been a few months now… continuing the post…
In the days that followed, we helped Cordelia process Willow's death. Cordelia had various ideas, and I tried to help her complete them. She wanted to put various things on Willow's grave-- 1 kibble a day, a cat toy, flowers, etc. I ordered a cat steppingstone that came promptly and we were able to make a white cat mosaic stone. It is pretty perfect, except the eyes are green. Cordelia said she wanted to have a party for Willow, so we had a "wake" and made cat cup cakes and I brought out all the gray-and-white cat things I have collected over the last 10 years. I think Cordelia thought it would be a bigger party event than it was, but we celebrated as a family. I sang,
"We love you Willow,
Oh yes we do.
We love you Willow,
And it is true,
When we're not near you,
We're blue.
Oh Willow, we love you."
Cordelia began to have some interesting questions about death, about 1 profound thought a day. "Why did Willow die?" "Will Belle die?" "Will you, me, and Dada die and get buried in our garden?" I told her that usually people get buried together in a place called a graveyard.
Cordelia has wanted to tell other people about it, or more often, "Mama, tell ____ that Willow died." Sometimes she gets shy and wants me to do the talking for her.
We got some books about death/goodbyes and thought about good things about Willow. We have been telling lots of Willow stories. In her absence, I always think about all the mischief she got into, like eating bouquets, trying to chew on Cordelia's fairy house, scratching up the carpet, knocking over glasses of water…. And yet, she was the best cat. It's hard to adjust to being a 1 cat household. I started to respond to a Craigslist inquiry about if we had pets and wrote "we have cats" and had to change it to "we have a cat".
I have started to assemble Willow pictures, but it's a time consuming task and I haven't made the album yet. I know I need to for Cordelia. She gets so happy when she sees a Willow picture. I wonder if Willows late-kitten and teen years with Charlotte back in Riverside made her so good with kids. Or else she and Cordelia just truly had a good relationship. I'm so glad of my brave fearless Willow cat and how she taught Cordelia to be a good pet owner, and all the nights she spent at our feet, closest to the door, guarding me and Jason with her trilling purr and shooting the breeze by a fan. I love you my fat cat. My sweet, fur baby. You filled my life and my heart with joy.
We buried her then, even though it was night time. We brought out a candle and also used Jason's headlights for extra light. I hope it wasn't too dark to be spooky for her. We wrapped her in a soft towel and buried her with flowers. We had a lot of flowers thanks to it being our anniversary the week prior, thanks honey. Cordelia wanted to get her shovel to help put the dirt on the top, right when Jason was done, but we let her do a little. Then I had to put Phoebe straight to bed. Jason stayed up and let Cordelia finish the Sierra video.
---
Well it's been a few months now… continuing the post…
In the days that followed, we helped Cordelia process Willow's death. Cordelia had various ideas, and I tried to help her complete them. She wanted to put various things on Willow's grave-- 1 kibble a day, a cat toy, flowers, etc. I ordered a cat steppingstone that came promptly and we were able to make a white cat mosaic stone. It is pretty perfect, except the eyes are green. Cordelia said she wanted to have a party for Willow, so we had a "wake" and made cat cup cakes and I brought out all the gray-and-white cat things I have collected over the last 10 years. I think Cordelia thought it would be a bigger party event than it was, but we celebrated as a family. I sang,
"We love you Willow,
Oh yes we do.
We love you Willow,
And it is true,
When we're not near you,
We're blue.
Oh Willow, we love you."
Cordelia began to have some interesting questions about death, about 1 profound thought a day. "Why did Willow die?" "Will Belle die?" "Will you, me, and Dada die and get buried in our garden?" I told her that usually people get buried together in a place called a graveyard.
Cordelia has wanted to tell other people about it, or more often, "Mama, tell ____ that Willow died." Sometimes she gets shy and wants me to do the talking for her.
We got some books about death/goodbyes and thought about good things about Willow. We have been telling lots of Willow stories. In her absence, I always think about all the mischief she got into, like eating bouquets, trying to chew on Cordelia's fairy house, scratching up the carpet, knocking over glasses of water…. And yet, she was the best cat. It's hard to adjust to being a 1 cat household. I started to respond to a Craigslist inquiry about if we had pets and wrote "we have cats" and had to change it to "we have a cat".
I have started to assemble Willow pictures, but it's a time consuming task and I haven't made the album yet. I know I need to for Cordelia. She gets so happy when she sees a Willow picture. I wonder if Willows late-kitten and teen years with Charlotte back in Riverside made her so good with kids. Or else she and Cordelia just truly had a good relationship. I'm so glad of my brave fearless Willow cat and how she taught Cordelia to be a good pet owner, and all the nights she spent at our feet, closest to the door, guarding me and Jason with her trilling purr and shooting the breeze by a fan. I love you my fat cat. My sweet, fur baby. You filled my life and my heart with joy.
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