I finally bought an underwire nursing bra today. I went to Nordstrom's for it. They had a somewhat limited selection that would fit me, but that was ok, since I was mainly just looking to get one and see how I do. I have been wearing a sleeping bra, which made me kind of lopsided if not perfectly adjusted, or some nursing tank tops, which have built in "bras" that do not even really fit me. So mainly around the house I just end up wearing the one nursing pajama top I have that has the lightest support ever, but ultimately is the most comfortable. Either way, when I actually got dressed to go out, I haven't been wearing anything that gives me much "lift" or good figure when I go out. So yes, today I bought a real underwire bra.
Size 34H!
*dies*
Hopefully the underwire won't give me any clogged ducts.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Every Day is Not Like The Next....
Well, I wanted to sum up some of what has gone on in the last 7 weeks, but I'll just jump in and blog a bit.
Thursday was one of the best days ever in terms of sleep! Cordelia put herself down for a nap in her bassinet all by herself! I put her down when I was brushing my teeth and when I came back she was drifting off. I turned on the baby monitor (the click almost woke her!) and tip toed away! She slept for hours! This was also the first time she slept in bed for a long time without a swaddle. Actually, she did wake a few times with her stirring and moving, but was able to go back to sleep. I took a nap on the couch so as not to wake her.
That night, with us both quite well rested, we went to Alt. Dance in the city and saw our swing dancing friends. They were so excited to see Cordelia and many wanted to hold her. She was on her best behavior and charmed them all. It was really fun getting to dance with Jason again-- I'd forgotten how much I love to dance with my husband! It is such a wonderful feeling.
And honestly, going to Alt. Dance for the first time since birth and the first time in a long time since I was pregnant.... I was honestly feeling as if I had more energy now than when I was pregnant. Lately, I have been realizing how draining being pregnant really was. I mean, I knew I was tired, but I was still focusing on charging forth, working 6 days a week. But now, even on days when I don't get much sleep, I am still able to power through. Everyone says it's a fantasy that your maternity leave will be a "vacation" from work, but honestly, I haven't gotten to spend this much time at home in years and it does have a lot of nice elements.
But not all the time!
Friday, she screamed much of the day and wouldn't even really take a nap without me holding her. I tried many times to put her down in her bassinet, but she would immediately wake up. I gave in around 4 oclock and napped holding her on the couch. I've been trying not to do that too much, since I know it isn't the "safest" form of sleep.
We didn't have the best night either, so I waffled on plans to go to the State Fair with Jason's family. It has become an annual tradition to go to the State Fair and I really wanted to go. But I canceled, knowing I needed more rest. I was able to get some more rest in the early morning, and afternoon we ultimately decided to go and join the family. When we made it out to Sacramento, it was almost 4. It was still very hot, but in the 90s, compared to the previous week of 100s. We met up with the Katayanagis in one of the Cal Expo areas, and they had an exhibit of Science Fiction and Super Hero movie stuff. R2D2 was there, along with Batman and a huge Iron Man sculpture. They even had a fake Tardis, which we took pictures with!
After that, we had dinner-- I got a veggie panini and a steamed artichoke. Then I had to nurse Cordelia. It was evening, but still very hot and using the breastfeeding cover was an uncomfortable tent...we were both sweaty and not having a great feeding session, even in the shade. But we made it through and then Cordelia got to have happy times hanging out at the table. Pop Pop commented on how impressed he was that she could already lock her legs!
We stayed through nightfall, taking cousin Penny to the petting zoo and walking around some of the shopping areas. Then it was time to change a diaper and look for a place to nurse. We had some fun times changing a poopy diaper of a crying, hungry baby and realizing we were down to just 2 wipes. (some family members had used some of ours with the kids at dinner). I improvised and grabbed a burp cloth instead! Then I fed Cordelia at one of the kitchen ware demonstration stations--- the lady was all done for the night and didn't mind me asking to use on of her folding chairs. It was much much better to be inside with the air conditioning! Then, of course, Cordelia pooped again! I sent Jason off to get wipes from Auntie Donica!
After that, Cordelia was very happy and snuggly. I held her while we had some snacks and a fireworks show started! Penny loved the fireworks, but they startled Cordelia. I held her close and danced around enough that the booms of the fireworks no longer disturbed her. It was really wonderful.
Cordelia got a lot more sleep being out and about and she was also very good for the long car rides. I am lucky she is a good traveler, some babies scream the moment they are in a car.
Now on to another day... Sunday was a repeat of Friday. Cordelia refused to sleep when she was not held. I tried many times to put her down and immediately she would cry. Without any afternoon naps at all, she was overtired and fussy. It was an exhausting day and I've decided that if I keep having failures like that, I will just hold her for her nap and maybe sneak a few z's with her. That is what I did on Monday and it went much better. The only downside is it is nearly impossible to do anything when you hold your baby all day, like... go to the bathroom.
Sunday did have one redeeming moment, making it all worth it though. Cordelia and I were playing in her bassinet, as she wouldn't sleep in it!, and she laughed for the first time. Some real giggles. It's a little bit early for laughs, but she did it--- I got it on video! Jason wasn't home and I wanted to capture it for him and I did!!! I have replayed it like 1000 times, savoring the cuteness and love of my happy baby.
Tuesday we went to the Farmers Market, and she slept a long time in her carseat upon returning home! Today I aimed for a similar situation and put her to sleep in her vibrating chair! Hopefully she will get another solid nap while I enjoy this both hands-free moment and type. And with luck, she'll stay asleep after I post this so I can get a nap too!
Thursday was one of the best days ever in terms of sleep! Cordelia put herself down for a nap in her bassinet all by herself! I put her down when I was brushing my teeth and when I came back she was drifting off. I turned on the baby monitor (the click almost woke her!) and tip toed away! She slept for hours! This was also the first time she slept in bed for a long time without a swaddle. Actually, she did wake a few times with her stirring and moving, but was able to go back to sleep. I took a nap on the couch so as not to wake her.
That night, with us both quite well rested, we went to Alt. Dance in the city and saw our swing dancing friends. They were so excited to see Cordelia and many wanted to hold her. She was on her best behavior and charmed them all. It was really fun getting to dance with Jason again-- I'd forgotten how much I love to dance with my husband! It is such a wonderful feeling.
And honestly, going to Alt. Dance for the first time since birth and the first time in a long time since I was pregnant.... I was honestly feeling as if I had more energy now than when I was pregnant. Lately, I have been realizing how draining being pregnant really was. I mean, I knew I was tired, but I was still focusing on charging forth, working 6 days a week. But now, even on days when I don't get much sleep, I am still able to power through. Everyone says it's a fantasy that your maternity leave will be a "vacation" from work, but honestly, I haven't gotten to spend this much time at home in years and it does have a lot of nice elements.
But not all the time!
Friday, she screamed much of the day and wouldn't even really take a nap without me holding her. I tried many times to put her down in her bassinet, but she would immediately wake up. I gave in around 4 oclock and napped holding her on the couch. I've been trying not to do that too much, since I know it isn't the "safest" form of sleep.
We didn't have the best night either, so I waffled on plans to go to the State Fair with Jason's family. It has become an annual tradition to go to the State Fair and I really wanted to go. But I canceled, knowing I needed more rest. I was able to get some more rest in the early morning, and afternoon we ultimately decided to go and join the family. When we made it out to Sacramento, it was almost 4. It was still very hot, but in the 90s, compared to the previous week of 100s. We met up with the Katayanagis in one of the Cal Expo areas, and they had an exhibit of Science Fiction and Super Hero movie stuff. R2D2 was there, along with Batman and a huge Iron Man sculpture. They even had a fake Tardis, which we took pictures with!
After that, we had dinner-- I got a veggie panini and a steamed artichoke. Then I had to nurse Cordelia. It was evening, but still very hot and using the breastfeeding cover was an uncomfortable tent...we were both sweaty and not having a great feeding session, even in the shade. But we made it through and then Cordelia got to have happy times hanging out at the table. Pop Pop commented on how impressed he was that she could already lock her legs!
We stayed through nightfall, taking cousin Penny to the petting zoo and walking around some of the shopping areas. Then it was time to change a diaper and look for a place to nurse. We had some fun times changing a poopy diaper of a crying, hungry baby and realizing we were down to just 2 wipes. (some family members had used some of ours with the kids at dinner). I improvised and grabbed a burp cloth instead! Then I fed Cordelia at one of the kitchen ware demonstration stations--- the lady was all done for the night and didn't mind me asking to use on of her folding chairs. It was much much better to be inside with the air conditioning! Then, of course, Cordelia pooped again! I sent Jason off to get wipes from Auntie Donica!
After that, Cordelia was very happy and snuggly. I held her while we had some snacks and a fireworks show started! Penny loved the fireworks, but they startled Cordelia. I held her close and danced around enough that the booms of the fireworks no longer disturbed her. It was really wonderful.
Cordelia got a lot more sleep being out and about and she was also very good for the long car rides. I am lucky she is a good traveler, some babies scream the moment they are in a car.
Now on to another day... Sunday was a repeat of Friday. Cordelia refused to sleep when she was not held. I tried many times to put her down and immediately she would cry. Without any afternoon naps at all, she was overtired and fussy. It was an exhausting day and I've decided that if I keep having failures like that, I will just hold her for her nap and maybe sneak a few z's with her. That is what I did on Monday and it went much better. The only downside is it is nearly impossible to do anything when you hold your baby all day, like... go to the bathroom.
Sunday did have one redeeming moment, making it all worth it though. Cordelia and I were playing in her bassinet, as she wouldn't sleep in it!, and she laughed for the first time. Some real giggles. It's a little bit early for laughs, but she did it--- I got it on video! Jason wasn't home and I wanted to capture it for him and I did!!! I have replayed it like 1000 times, savoring the cuteness and love of my happy baby.
Tuesday we went to the Farmers Market, and she slept a long time in her carseat upon returning home! Today I aimed for a similar situation and put her to sleep in her vibrating chair! Hopefully she will get another solid nap while I enjoy this both hands-free moment and type. And with luck, she'll stay asleep after I post this so I can get a nap too!
Friday, July 12, 2013
Birth Story
Well, I better start writing this before I forget all the details!!
On Sunday night, I made Jason start making our niece Penny's cardboard car. He had been saving huge boxes from all of our baby shower gifts to make a car like the one that Wreck It Ralph's Vanellope drives. I have been hoping to get some of these boxes out before Cordelia was born, so I said he needed to begin the project--- and thus guarantee I would finally go into labor. (It was now five days past my due date). Jason made most of the car's frame and assembled it with duct tape. He texted a picture to sister-in-law Donica, who automatically got excited that we would be texting that labor was starting!!! She liked the car, but said she now expected a 3 am wake up text that would say my water broke or labor had started.
She was only an hour off!!
We went to bed after midnight, and Jason had a heart-to-heart with my tummy. He told Cordelia it was time to come out and that he wanted to hold her in his arms.
At 2 am, I woke up with labor pains beginning! At first, I was not completely sure, since I thought maybe I was having an upset stomach and making many trips to the bathroom. Jason got up around 3 to pee, and I stopped him, saying, "Something is definitely going on." He was immediately wide awake!!
We tried timing some contractions, though it was kind of hard for me to recognize completely when one was starting and finishing. But they were already coming like 2-5 minutes apart!! I called Kaiser's Labor and Delivery, since I wasn't sure if we should go to my scheduled 8:30 am appointment, or if I should just stay home until we met the 4 minutes apart, 1 minute long for 1 hour (4-1-1) signal to go to the hospital. But they said to come to my appointment anyway.
I was nervous there would be a lot of free way traffic, but it was ok. I checked into my appointment saying, "By the way, I'm having contractions right now!" They called ahead to let them know I was there! Didn't have to wait long for my stress test to begin. I had a pretty cool nurse, who was very friendly and warm. She let Jason come in until another patient showed up.
The stress test showed my contractions and the baby's heart beat. The nurse told me, "Wow, you are having contractions all over the place!" She said that mine were "piggybacking," which is why I think I was having trouble determining when one was "ending" and another was "beginning". It seemed to just go on without ever completely fading away. I was hopeful at this point that it would mean things might progress swiftly for me!
I was then checked with Dr. Kaeser, as my regular Dr. Wendt was not there that day. She did a membrane sweep and checked my cervix. She said I was 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and -2. (I think the -2 has to do with where the infant's head is?) She called over to labor and delivery and told them to expect me to check in there in about 2 hours, though I could head over sooner. She then told us to go hang out around the hospital, and yes, we could go get some breakfast.
So we went to the Wellness Cafe and I had some oatmeal. Then we walked around through the continuing contractions. There was a loop with some grass, planters of flowers, and tables. It was mostly in the shade, which was nice, since it was quite a warm day. We walked it many times, also making trips inside to walk some of the halls and so I could continually go to the bathroom. Contractions were making me feel like peeing nonstop. We sat in some chairs near the records window and I actually saw the mother of one of the children in my preschool group who is a doctor! She asked if I was there for an appointment and I reported no, I was in labor!!
Uncertain of when we could get our next meal, Jason and I went to the cafe one more time. I got some pasta, which was not very delicious, even if I had been hungry enough to eat much of it. Then we sat in the lobby area for a while. I wanted to hold out as long as I could, because once you're checked in, that's it. I was also hoping to be pretty far into labor. We waited all the way until after 1pm and finally went up. You have to call through this phone system before they open the door for you. At first they were not sure who I was, since it had been over three hours since Dr. Kaeser had called about me. They gave me a gown and did another stress test in their triage area. A midwife Lorraine, who was lovely, checked me. I was 5 cm and 90% effaced at this point. They asked what my pain medication plans were and I said I wanted to go as long as possible naturally. I was pretty excited to find out that the only room with a tub was actually available. They mentioned it at our birth class... lucky "Room 7." (You are not allowed to do a water birth, but you can use it for relief.)
The labor rooms at Kaiser WC are really beautiful. They are spacious, wood paneling, lots of lighting settings, and just a nice feel to them. So many people complain about the sterile hospital environment, but I don't get the sense of that at all. Probably why the place has such a great reputation.
At that point I had a nurse named Chelsea, though the shifts would change as the night went on. I guess some people may not like that about labor, but the changing nurses didn't bother me too much. I was too much in the moment to care. Chelsea was very supportive, but with a strong, direct personality. I can't decide if I liked her or not; for some reason she almost intimidated me a little bit, but at the same time she was more helpful than a really soft spoken nurse I saw later on in the night.
Labor was kicking things up by then, with lots of long and painful contractions. My whole body would get really tight and I was particularly feeling it from my stomach down to my thighs of all places, which I wasn't expecting. I got an IV put in, but it was detachable so I'd be able to still walk around. Chelsea got it in perfectly, but it was still not the most comfortable and eventually left a bruise in my arm.
Things are already starting to get a bit fuzzy, plus I don't want to go into graphic detail. I was in active labor, with the contractions never really disappearing at all by then. Jason was texting with lots of people letting them know the time we'd been waiting for had arrived! I used my birth ball a bit, which helped some, or just lay on my side on the bed. Jason's parents showed up, even though I hadn't really planned on visitors. They were content to just stay in a waiting room, but Jason encouraged me to see them. They walked around some of the halls with me. It was weird walking through different areas of the floor and noticing that the temperature/airconditioning changed drastically from corridor to corridor.
After my walk, I tried the tub, which ultimately, I don't know how much it helped, since contractions were soooo bad by then and I was getting completely exhausted. It was so hard to move around by then and I also had to try keep my IV hand from getting wet. I kept thinking about how I'd only had an hour of sleep and how many hours I'd been doing this for and I didn't really feel like I could keep going at this pace, or manage things if/when they got even worse.
After I got out the tub, I decided to have an epidural. Chelsea was also offering another medicine that they put in your IV, but that goes into your blood stream (and also the baby's). She said it would let you rest for about an hour, but for some people it makes them feel loopy, like drunk or high. That didn't sound appealing for me, because even though there was a chance I could get some sleep-- what if I didn't and then still wanted the epidural later? Then I'd be double medicated. She was mainly concerned that I would be unhappy with my labor if I gave up my hope for doing it drug-free. To be honest, it is disappointing, but ultimately, being able to look back and know how the rest of the night would go, I can say it was the right decision. I was such a mess by the time they came to give me the epidural anyway. It was 7pm by then and I was 8 cm....
After that they turned out most of the lights and we tried to rest. I didn't fall asleep, and after a while I let Jason bring in some of the family members who were hanging out in the waiting room in small groups. I remember watching the monitor and seeing how intense my contractions were, but I couldn't feel them. Jason said before the epidural I was having contractions that were lasting 2 and a half minutes, with like 15 seconds between them. I don't remember much about the conversations I had with people around this time, but I remember talking to Donica and hearing her reminisce about her own labor experience really cheered me up.
We rested some more and I actually did sleep for a very short time. At some point they checked me and I was at 8 cm for a while, but things were still progressing. I think the epidural probably had slowed things down, but it was worth it to get the rest. At some other point, they asked if I wanted them to break my water, and I said ok. It was a huge gush all over the bed!
I was starting to feel contractions again, no where near to the extent they had been before, but still noticeable. I mentioned this to the nurses, and wanted to know if this was ok because I'd still want to be able to have some feeling left to be able to push. But they said, no, I really shouldn't be feeling pain, and that there was no point in having a half-assed epidural. I used the clicking thing to up the dose a bit, but it just was making my legs numb, but I was still feeling contractions on my sides. It took a while for the anesthesiologist to come to my room and they upped the epidural a bit. I remember he was this Indian guy and talking to him about his own baby son.
It was getting close to midnight and they said it would be time to push soon! I was a little disappointed Cordelia had not yet been born. My mom had joked that if her birthday was on May 20th, that would be "Eliza Doolittle Day," as described in My Fair Lady's song "Just you wait Henry Higgins."
I was really thirsty around then and asked if I could have some water. Room temperature water did very little for me, but eventually I was given some sips of ice water, which soothed my mouth much more. I was never offered ice chips, now that I think of it, though that is supposed to be a big thing when you are in labor. Then the nurse, whose name was Amy at that point, offered me a popsicle. I got a cherry one; it was really sweet and not the most tasty flavor, but boy did I enjoy it. My push popsicle.
Yes, at last it was time to push. I started pushing at around 1 am. Nurse Amy led me through the pushes. Basically for each contraction, she told me to try and push for 10 seconds three times, though I wouldn't really take breaks or barely even breathe between those three pushes. And she would count to 10 for me so I could really concentrate. At some point she went on a 15 minute break and another nurse (who I barely remember) came in and she didn't do the counting thing. But I think I liked the counting more than not having it.
Pushing was probably the best part of labor; it was pretty rewarding because I could tell all my hard work was having an effect and actually doing something. Sometimes I would try pushing really hard and it would get a big response. Also, I had a mirror, which I highly recommend to at least try if you are in labor to get an idea of what is going on down there. Cordelia was a little bit stuck for a while and at one point I was like, "I can't do this anymore!" and Jason and my nurse were shouting "Yes, you can!"
Every so often the midwife Kit would come in and check on me. At one point she said, call me back as soon as you need me. And then Amy had to call her back almost immediately after she'd left!
Even with the epidural, it still hurt a lot, and honestly, I'm not sure if I could have done it without one at that point. I pushed for 2 hours (I hear the average for first time moms is three hours) and it was 25 hours after my labor had started that Cordelia was born.
She was born at 3:03 am. She was 8 lbs 9 oz and 20 1/2 inches long.
I got to hold her immediately, skin to skin. She was crying real loud and strong and scored a 8 or 9 on the Apgar scale. I remember telling her, "Oh yes, it's so hard to be in the world." She was wiped off a bit and Jason got to cut the cord. I held her for about half an hour or so before trying to feed her and she was able to latch right away.
Jason texted the family that she was born and I called my mom, who apparently was awake. My mom could hear her crying on the phone.
Jason's family came in sometime in the next hour, so they all got to see her even before the nurse took her to weigh and measure and put drops in her eyes etc. I couldn't believe they'd waited all night long in the waiting room! Even 2 year old Penny and 8 month old Rocky were sleeping there! I am glad they came in, so I have some wonderful pictures of minutes old Cordelia.
At around 6, Amy helped me get into a wheel chair and we were moved to our room. I was lucky enough not to have to share a room. Cordelia got all swaddled up and we went to sleep at last!
Well, I've been trying to get around to posting this for weeks, so I think I'm just going to leave it as is, un-editted. This is how Cordelia arrived in the world and everything else is already fading. I'm glad I wrote as much of this down as I did. I guess this is what they talk about when they say you forget enough of it to make you want to have a second kid!
On Sunday night, I made Jason start making our niece Penny's cardboard car. He had been saving huge boxes from all of our baby shower gifts to make a car like the one that Wreck It Ralph's Vanellope drives. I have been hoping to get some of these boxes out before Cordelia was born, so I said he needed to begin the project--- and thus guarantee I would finally go into labor. (It was now five days past my due date). Jason made most of the car's frame and assembled it with duct tape. He texted a picture to sister-in-law Donica, who automatically got excited that we would be texting that labor was starting!!! She liked the car, but said she now expected a 3 am wake up text that would say my water broke or labor had started.
She was only an hour off!!
We went to bed after midnight, and Jason had a heart-to-heart with my tummy. He told Cordelia it was time to come out and that he wanted to hold her in his arms.
At 2 am, I woke up with labor pains beginning! At first, I was not completely sure, since I thought maybe I was having an upset stomach and making many trips to the bathroom. Jason got up around 3 to pee, and I stopped him, saying, "Something is definitely going on." He was immediately wide awake!!
We tried timing some contractions, though it was kind of hard for me to recognize completely when one was starting and finishing. But they were already coming like 2-5 minutes apart!! I called Kaiser's Labor and Delivery, since I wasn't sure if we should go to my scheduled 8:30 am appointment, or if I should just stay home until we met the 4 minutes apart, 1 minute long for 1 hour (4-1-1) signal to go to the hospital. But they said to come to my appointment anyway.
I was nervous there would be a lot of free way traffic, but it was ok. I checked into my appointment saying, "By the way, I'm having contractions right now!" They called ahead to let them know I was there! Didn't have to wait long for my stress test to begin. I had a pretty cool nurse, who was very friendly and warm. She let Jason come in until another patient showed up.
The stress test showed my contractions and the baby's heart beat. The nurse told me, "Wow, you are having contractions all over the place!" She said that mine were "piggybacking," which is why I think I was having trouble determining when one was "ending" and another was "beginning". It seemed to just go on without ever completely fading away. I was hopeful at this point that it would mean things might progress swiftly for me!
I was then checked with Dr. Kaeser, as my regular Dr. Wendt was not there that day. She did a membrane sweep and checked my cervix. She said I was 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and -2. (I think the -2 has to do with where the infant's head is?) She called over to labor and delivery and told them to expect me to check in there in about 2 hours, though I could head over sooner. She then told us to go hang out around the hospital, and yes, we could go get some breakfast.
So we went to the Wellness Cafe and I had some oatmeal. Then we walked around through the continuing contractions. There was a loop with some grass, planters of flowers, and tables. It was mostly in the shade, which was nice, since it was quite a warm day. We walked it many times, also making trips inside to walk some of the halls and so I could continually go to the bathroom. Contractions were making me feel like peeing nonstop. We sat in some chairs near the records window and I actually saw the mother of one of the children in my preschool group who is a doctor! She asked if I was there for an appointment and I reported no, I was in labor!!
Uncertain of when we could get our next meal, Jason and I went to the cafe one more time. I got some pasta, which was not very delicious, even if I had been hungry enough to eat much of it. Then we sat in the lobby area for a while. I wanted to hold out as long as I could, because once you're checked in, that's it. I was also hoping to be pretty far into labor. We waited all the way until after 1pm and finally went up. You have to call through this phone system before they open the door for you. At first they were not sure who I was, since it had been over three hours since Dr. Kaeser had called about me. They gave me a gown and did another stress test in their triage area. A midwife Lorraine, who was lovely, checked me. I was 5 cm and 90% effaced at this point. They asked what my pain medication plans were and I said I wanted to go as long as possible naturally. I was pretty excited to find out that the only room with a tub was actually available. They mentioned it at our birth class... lucky "Room 7." (You are not allowed to do a water birth, but you can use it for relief.)
The labor rooms at Kaiser WC are really beautiful. They are spacious, wood paneling, lots of lighting settings, and just a nice feel to them. So many people complain about the sterile hospital environment, but I don't get the sense of that at all. Probably why the place has such a great reputation.
At that point I had a nurse named Chelsea, though the shifts would change as the night went on. I guess some people may not like that about labor, but the changing nurses didn't bother me too much. I was too much in the moment to care. Chelsea was very supportive, but with a strong, direct personality. I can't decide if I liked her or not; for some reason she almost intimidated me a little bit, but at the same time she was more helpful than a really soft spoken nurse I saw later on in the night.
Labor was kicking things up by then, with lots of long and painful contractions. My whole body would get really tight and I was particularly feeling it from my stomach down to my thighs of all places, which I wasn't expecting. I got an IV put in, but it was detachable so I'd be able to still walk around. Chelsea got it in perfectly, but it was still not the most comfortable and eventually left a bruise in my arm.
Things are already starting to get a bit fuzzy, plus I don't want to go into graphic detail. I was in active labor, with the contractions never really disappearing at all by then. Jason was texting with lots of people letting them know the time we'd been waiting for had arrived! I used my birth ball a bit, which helped some, or just lay on my side on the bed. Jason's parents showed up, even though I hadn't really planned on visitors. They were content to just stay in a waiting room, but Jason encouraged me to see them. They walked around some of the halls with me. It was weird walking through different areas of the floor and noticing that the temperature/airconditioning changed drastically from corridor to corridor.
After my walk, I tried the tub, which ultimately, I don't know how much it helped, since contractions were soooo bad by then and I was getting completely exhausted. It was so hard to move around by then and I also had to try keep my IV hand from getting wet. I kept thinking about how I'd only had an hour of sleep and how many hours I'd been doing this for and I didn't really feel like I could keep going at this pace, or manage things if/when they got even worse.
After I got out the tub, I decided to have an epidural. Chelsea was also offering another medicine that they put in your IV, but that goes into your blood stream (and also the baby's). She said it would let you rest for about an hour, but for some people it makes them feel loopy, like drunk or high. That didn't sound appealing for me, because even though there was a chance I could get some sleep-- what if I didn't and then still wanted the epidural later? Then I'd be double medicated. She was mainly concerned that I would be unhappy with my labor if I gave up my hope for doing it drug-free. To be honest, it is disappointing, but ultimately, being able to look back and know how the rest of the night would go, I can say it was the right decision. I was such a mess by the time they came to give me the epidural anyway. It was 7pm by then and I was 8 cm....
After that they turned out most of the lights and we tried to rest. I didn't fall asleep, and after a while I let Jason bring in some of the family members who were hanging out in the waiting room in small groups. I remember watching the monitor and seeing how intense my contractions were, but I couldn't feel them. Jason said before the epidural I was having contractions that were lasting 2 and a half minutes, with like 15 seconds between them. I don't remember much about the conversations I had with people around this time, but I remember talking to Donica and hearing her reminisce about her own labor experience really cheered me up.
We rested some more and I actually did sleep for a very short time. At some point they checked me and I was at 8 cm for a while, but things were still progressing. I think the epidural probably had slowed things down, but it was worth it to get the rest. At some other point, they asked if I wanted them to break my water, and I said ok. It was a huge gush all over the bed!
I was starting to feel contractions again, no where near to the extent they had been before, but still noticeable. I mentioned this to the nurses, and wanted to know if this was ok because I'd still want to be able to have some feeling left to be able to push. But they said, no, I really shouldn't be feeling pain, and that there was no point in having a half-assed epidural. I used the clicking thing to up the dose a bit, but it just was making my legs numb, but I was still feeling contractions on my sides. It took a while for the anesthesiologist to come to my room and they upped the epidural a bit. I remember he was this Indian guy and talking to him about his own baby son.
It was getting close to midnight and they said it would be time to push soon! I was a little disappointed Cordelia had not yet been born. My mom had joked that if her birthday was on May 20th, that would be "Eliza Doolittle Day," as described in My Fair Lady's song "Just you wait Henry Higgins."
I was really thirsty around then and asked if I could have some water. Room temperature water did very little for me, but eventually I was given some sips of ice water, which soothed my mouth much more. I was never offered ice chips, now that I think of it, though that is supposed to be a big thing when you are in labor. Then the nurse, whose name was Amy at that point, offered me a popsicle. I got a cherry one; it was really sweet and not the most tasty flavor, but boy did I enjoy it. My push popsicle.
Yes, at last it was time to push. I started pushing at around 1 am. Nurse Amy led me through the pushes. Basically for each contraction, she told me to try and push for 10 seconds three times, though I wouldn't really take breaks or barely even breathe between those three pushes. And she would count to 10 for me so I could really concentrate. At some point she went on a 15 minute break and another nurse (who I barely remember) came in and she didn't do the counting thing. But I think I liked the counting more than not having it.
Pushing was probably the best part of labor; it was pretty rewarding because I could tell all my hard work was having an effect and actually doing something. Sometimes I would try pushing really hard and it would get a big response. Also, I had a mirror, which I highly recommend to at least try if you are in labor to get an idea of what is going on down there. Cordelia was a little bit stuck for a while and at one point I was like, "I can't do this anymore!" and Jason and my nurse were shouting "Yes, you can!"
Every so often the midwife Kit would come in and check on me. At one point she said, call me back as soon as you need me. And then Amy had to call her back almost immediately after she'd left!
Even with the epidural, it still hurt a lot, and honestly, I'm not sure if I could have done it without one at that point. I pushed for 2 hours (I hear the average for first time moms is three hours) and it was 25 hours after my labor had started that Cordelia was born.
She was born at 3:03 am. She was 8 lbs 9 oz and 20 1/2 inches long.
I got to hold her immediately, skin to skin. She was crying real loud and strong and scored a 8 or 9 on the Apgar scale. I remember telling her, "Oh yes, it's so hard to be in the world." She was wiped off a bit and Jason got to cut the cord. I held her for about half an hour or so before trying to feed her and she was able to latch right away.
Jason texted the family that she was born and I called my mom, who apparently was awake. My mom could hear her crying on the phone.
Jason's family came in sometime in the next hour, so they all got to see her even before the nurse took her to weigh and measure and put drops in her eyes etc. I couldn't believe they'd waited all night long in the waiting room! Even 2 year old Penny and 8 month old Rocky were sleeping there! I am glad they came in, so I have some wonderful pictures of minutes old Cordelia.
At around 6, Amy helped me get into a wheel chair and we were moved to our room. I was lucky enough not to have to share a room. Cordelia got all swaddled up and we went to sleep at last!
Well, I've been trying to get around to posting this for weeks, so I think I'm just going to leave it as is, un-editted. This is how Cordelia arrived in the world and everything else is already fading. I'm glad I wrote as much of this down as I did. I guess this is what they talk about when they say you forget enough of it to make you want to have a second kid!
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