Phoebe's First Birthday

Today was Phoebe's first birthday! My baby is one!

We woke up this morning with her in our bed and had happy snuggles.  Phoebe is always hugging and now gives kisses. It is the sweetest thing ever.  I feel like she was even being extra cute, Jason and I were just melting.

Cordelia gave Phoebe her present: the green version of her purple talking dog. Phoebe always wants to play with Violet, so hopefully having Scout will solve some of the competition.

We headed off to work and Phoebe got to have lots of new toys at Meme's house.  I was watching the clock pretty closely, but then set my phone alarm to buzz at 9:31.  I also sent Meme a text to give Phoebe a kiss then.

I gave the kids in my class extra leis from Phoebe's party.  At last it was time to pick her up from Meme's house! I tried to leave school with Cordelia, but first realized I forgot my phone and then Cordelia remembered she left her talking dog Violet.

We played with some of her new toys when I got to Meme's house.  Lots of light up robotic things. Cordelia was very excited to play with them.  She and Phoebe were getting competitive, grabbing a bit.  I think tomorrow will be a little challenging, for Cordelia's sharing skills.

We came home and had snacks. I cut up a watermelon to make it into a "fruit cake".  I made cantaloupe hearts and flowers and also attached blueberries with toothpicks.  I tried to give Phoebe some cantaloupe while I cut up the watermelon but she got mad and threw it on the floor. She saw me chopping a watermelon across the kitchen and wanted it right then!  So I had to give her some early!

I last minute tidied up the house, which had me running about a bit.  Cordelia and Phoebe listened to Moana songs, can't go wrong with that lol

Jason managed to get home a little early, so we had dinner and then cousins came over for presents! Her aunt and uncle got her the exact same baby walker/stroller that I had already gotten her! It was too funny! We also gave her a busy box toy, and 2 stuffed animals, which she hugged and kissed with joy.  Gillian gave her a baby doll, so that she could have her own, like Baby Truman, Cordelia's doll. I was hoping this could also help with toy competition, but, was also a little worried that Cordelia would want it all for herself.  (Big Surprise, it was the latter... she wants Baby Elena and the walker to be hers).

We then went outside and checked out Phoebe's other gift: a sandbox!  Phoebe did not enjoy the feel of the sand yet though.  It makes her cry!  Oh well, hopefully it will be a nice gift for both the girls as they get bigger.

We went in and had fruit-cake.  I was happy with how it turned out and all the kids liked having watermelon, cantaloupe, and blueberries!

We hung out a while more, but by then it was very much the time for the little ones to go to bed.  Phoebe had been up for soooo long and was definitely ready for sleep.

Phoebe, you have such a sweet heart.  But you are fiesty and love to express what you want.  I shall love watching you grow and grow.

Beach Birthday Party

Today was Phoebe's beach birthday party!

We invited Jason's parents, the cousins, a couple of families, and Jason's fun co workers… just about everybody came!  I wasn't sure if people would be up for it, as it would mean driving quite a ways, but they did! I made it a pot luck, over having to include gifts… we have gotten a few select things for Phoebe, but hoping not to get overwhelmed with too much more stuff. I think after Cordelia's first birthday and Hanukkah, we definitely went overboard!  That doesn't mean I don't love you any less, Phoebe bird, it's just that we have learned that moderation is good too.

We gathered up all of our gear and somehow managed to make it and food all fit in Jason's car!  We'd thought we would have to bring two cars, but Jason is the tetris king.  We had to stop for ice at the last minute, so were running a bit late, but everyone I texted said they were just leaving themselves.  We made good time and went out to Muir Beach.

It was a gray, cloudy, chilly day, only in the 60s. I was hoping the sun would come out eventually, but it didn't.  Fortunately I had made sure to bring some jackets and while even warmer options would have been great, we were at least somewhat prepared. I even had an extra sweater I found in the car to lend out.

We ended up with way too much food, of course… I should have made a sign up chart, like we have at school, ha ha!

Jonathan had looked up a bunch of beach "hacks" on youtube. The most genius one was to prop up the sides of a fitted sheet with chairs and coolers, etc.  It made a little play pen, perfect for Phoebe!  This was great because she was not a fan of sand.  She fussed every time her foot touched it!  Phoebe ate some yummy snacks and then Meme got her to take a really decent nap in all the blankets! At first I could not find Phoebe's pacifier anywhere.  I searched Jason's whole car.  He went back to look for it, but then my brain figured out she must have thrown it into one of the bags we had carried to the beach. Paci secured, the nap came without too much difficulty.  Maybe before 2 we will wean from the paci, but in the meantime, it is a sleep-crutch I have to be grateful for

The kids were all huddling at first while they had food and adjusted to the cold.  But then we went out to explore.  We saw many sea shells, anenomes, and even found some crabs! Not a full tide pool, but lots of cool rocky areas.  Cordelia was doing well with exploring and even going in the water with us.  But after a minor fall with a minor scrape and then having some sea weed brush up against her in the tide, she was done.

I made mini banana chocolate chip muffins for her bday.  It was my first time using a mini muffin pan.  I didn't think cupcakes with frosting (even for other guests) would go well at the beach, so this was a healthier treat option and practical too.  Phoebe really liked sitting in the beach chair and having everybody sing to her! When I took off the wrapper, she knew just what to do and popped it in her mouth for a bite! Yay! She was so cute eating it up! She hummed and did a happy "yes" bounce.

We had fun beach plates and as favors gave out little plastic zippy cups with hawaiian flowers on them.  I put a tag that said Phoebe's 1st Birthday in the same color as the cup.  It was simple, but I think looked nice.  For the muffins I stuck a little plastic fish toothpick in the top to be decorative.

It never got sunny, so we never really needed the umbrellas we had lugged along and Phoebe didn't try out the pop-up tent that Mom-Mom sent her.  We'll see if I can convince Jason to go to the beach again before summer's over, or it will probably be fun next year.  Will we want to have a beach birthday when my baby is turning 2?! Ah! I can't even think that far ahead.  It seems impossible that she is going to be 1 on Monday!  My little Phoebe-bird, this year has flown by too quickly.  I love you, you are your most precious self.

Phoebe 11 Months

The 11 Month is whirling its way past.  I had my Summer Vacation week, which went by all too quickly.  Gillian was in town one last time and stayed with us, and Jason had 2 days off, which was nice.  We actually got to work on the house a little bit without kids present, which has been my ONE WISH for the last two years.  Even then, it wasn't enough-- need like a whole week lol.  I have been starting to clear out or set aside things we don't use too much any more or things Phoebe has (sniff!) already outgrown.  I am trying to sell some things online.  Arranging pick ups and meet ups is so time consuming though!  Anyway, not really baby related, just management.

Baby news… We went to a 4th of July parade and saw some neighborhood fire works from the cousin's yard.  We had a little playdate and escaped a heatwave going to the Bay Area Discovery Museum.  Phoebe had an awesome time there in the infant toddler area.  She liked the water bed and looking up at the domed roof, which had fish swimming inside it! She even bravely crawled through a tunnel!  Cordelia loved the outdoor space and asked to go back the next day!

Cordelia had a class bake sale for Red Nose Day.

Phoebe is back sleeping in our bed full time.  I just couldn't deal with the wake ups any more.  They kept waking each other up with their own wake ups and it was like ping pong balls.  Fingers crossed, Cordelia has actually been sleeping better for several nights in a row, several times.  God, I hope that can continue.  She's 4 now! She needs to sleep!

Phoebe is getting through the night in our bed, but by day has periods of fussiness.  On Father's Day (back in June) we went to the Alameda County Fair and discovered she had her first upper molar coming in!  Now this past weekend, July 15, the second molar has started to come in.  I can feel lower ones in her gums.  She has 10 teeth!!!  In the next week, I think she could still try and go up to 12 for her bday. She is very fussy when her teeth are bothering her and has even tried to bite.

Meme had been telling me for like 3 weeks that Phoebe had stood, unsupported.  I was home all vacation and didn't see her do it even once!  But finally, I did see her do it for a second when I came to pick her up.  Since then, she has done it a bit more for us and apparently lots for Meme.  She even took a step.  I still don't see her standing or balancing independently yet, but I am fine with letting her develop things in her own time.  Some of the family thinks she could even walk by her bday, but I am doubtful.

I am having a hard time keeping up with pumping.  I feel some maternal guilt that I provided milk with Cordelia for much longer but it's been a test to get to 1 year for me.  I think Phoebe has never been as attached to nursing as Cordelia.  She may be starting to say "Milk"  It sounds like "Miiirr."  Maybe she is saying "More"?  Cordelia called it "Na" which was so cute.

Phoebe doesn't like to sit for books much yet.  She likes to be in charge of holding the book and turning pages.  She will listen for 1 page and then become active.

Phoebe is becoming more demanding and makes her desires known.  If she wants something she cries or grunts for it.  If you try and give her the wrong thing, she will shake her hands No! and cry or yell.  If Cordelia takes a toy from her, she is NOT HAPPY.  If you take something she shouldn't have away and put it somewhere else, she remembers and tries to get to where you put it

Phoebe is still into hugging everything.  It is so sweet to have one of her hugs.  She loves stuffed animals and bounces when she hears music.

I am starting to get presents and organize final things for her Beach birthday party next weekend. My baby's growing up.

Phoebe 10 Months

Only 2 months left until 1 year!! I can't stand it!!

About Phoebe this month: I'm crawling a lot more, learning to pull myself up, waking up every night again, loving finger food, and giving hugs to stuffed animals! I can say (somewhat indiscriminately at times) Mama and Dada and Cat and Dog and That. All things fall into these categories, whether it is a bear or a dog. I like my sister, Miss Belle, and my paci for sleep. I don't like falling asleep.

Phoebe's favorite game is to hold up 1 finger and have you touch it with 1 finger and go "Bbbzzzzzzt!" like an electric shock.  She also makes razzing sounds to try and emulate you.  It is the cutes thing.

Willow

Well, as I posted on Facebook, our cat Willow died unexpectedly on March 27th.

Here is what I wrote there:

"Heartbroken to find my fur baby Willow had suddenly passed today. She had thrown up a little in the past few days, but nothing indicated she was very ill. Maybe she ate some bad. It was a shock, but at least she didn't suffer long. I cannot believe she won't be asleep at my feet tonight. 

We had almost 10 years together. Jason got her for me when we still lived in Riverside. We fell in love with her because her purr sounded like she was trilling. We came to know she would make that sound when she was very happy. Her regular purr was a loud rumble. She journeyed with us from dating, to marriage, and parenthood. She moved with us 5 times. She got out of the house twice, once for 24 hours and once for 2 hours, but both times I felt it was a miracle to get her back to us. She tolerated the adoption of Miss Belle. But the one she truly loved was Cordelia. 

Cordelia always says, "we have two cats. Miss Belle is a shy cat and Miss Willow is a brave cat." Willow and Cordelia had such a special bond. Cordelia took such pride in being a Pet Owner. Willow would let her pet her and play with her, never once scratched her, even on accident. One of Cordelia's first words was "Wiwo". She was the best cat and a true member of our family.

I will admit, we've had a little less time for the cats since Phoebe was born, but Willow was always just lounging around the house, a nice furry lump. Willow woke me twice in the night yesterday, coughing, and I petted her a lot and heard her loud purr, so at least we had a goodbye of sorts. I'm glad it happened quickly, if it had to be. Tonight we held a funeral and buried her in a soft towel, with flowers. Rest In Peace under all the stars, my precious Willow-Baby. I love you and my heart is broken without you."

It's been tough and Cordelia is working on processing Death. In some ways it helps but in someways not, but this was actually the third pet death in a month as Jason's mom also had to put two animals down due to illness/age related issues.  Cordelia was not much phased by those, but we did send good thoughts out to them and do a family hug.  I guess that is our way of saying a prayer or whatever.  We used very direct language-- no "went to sleep" or "heaven" etc. confusing talk.

I have to say, it kind of crossed my mind that Willow could die, but that was truly only because of the other recent pet deaths that it was on my mind.  Willow was almost 10, not super old.  She was fat, but had started to lose some weight recently, but we had also switched to only dry food, and a "healthy weight" kind at that, so if anything, I thought that she was probably doing a little better.  She threw up a couple times, but cats throw up plenty and it was mostly clear.  I also heard her coughing,  working on throwing up.  So it was never even to a point that I suggested we take her to the vet.   As I said, she woke me coughing, and I petted her, so we had a goodbye together.  That morning, she disappeared and I thought she was under the bed, and slightly concerned, searched for her before I left but couldn't see her there.  When I got home, I looked again, but couldn't find her.  When Jason got home, I reported I still hadn't located Willow, and had him start to search.  Alas, he found her, lying in Cordelia's closet.  Her body was already stiff.

It was a kind of parenting crisis, in that I had to process the loss quickly and decide how to handle it for Cordelia. It was late in the evening, very close to bed time.  Cordelia was finishing dinner and in fact, appeared in the hall, asking for dessert.  I got her dessert to eat while we prepared.  We quickly put a towel in a basket and laid Willow in the basket and then had Cordelia sit on the couch to give her the news.  We told her that something sad had happened and that Willow had died, that she wasn't alive and wouldn't be moving around anymore. We brought over the basket and we were able to pet her and say goodbye.  I will never forget the softness of her white fur as I stroked her goodbye.  My fur-baby.  Even Belle came over to say goodbye.  Cordelia was very sad.  She asked if she could watch the Sierra (lynx) video to feel better.  We worked out logistics, Jason dug the grave while I fed Phoebe who was getting very, very tired.

We buried her then, even though it was night time.  We brought out a candle and also used Jason's headlights for extra light. I hope it wasn't too dark to be spooky for her. We wrapped her in a soft towel and buried her with flowers. We had a lot of flowers thanks to it being our anniversary the week prior, thanks honey. Cordelia wanted to get her shovel to help put the dirt on the top, right when Jason was done, but we let her do a little.  Then I had to put Phoebe straight to bed.  Jason stayed up and let Cordelia finish the Sierra video.

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Well it's been a few months now… continuing the post…

In the days that followed, we helped Cordelia process Willow's death.  Cordelia had various ideas, and I tried to help her complete them.  She wanted to put various things on Willow's grave-- 1 kibble a day, a cat toy, flowers, etc.  I ordered a cat steppingstone that came promptly and we were able to make a white cat mosaic stone.  It is pretty perfect, except the eyes are green.  Cordelia said she wanted to have a party for Willow, so we had a "wake" and made cat cup cakes and I brought out all the gray-and-white cat things I have collected over the last 10 years.  I think Cordelia thought it would be a bigger party event than it was, but we celebrated as a family.  I sang,

"We love you Willow,
Oh yes we do.
We love you Willow,
And it is true,
When we're not near you,
We're blue.
Oh Willow, we love you."

Cordelia began to have some interesting questions about death, about 1 profound thought a day.  "Why did Willow die?" "Will Belle die?" "Will you, me, and Dada die and get buried in our garden?" I told her that usually people get buried together in a place called a graveyard.

Cordelia has wanted to tell other people about it, or more often, "Mama, tell ____ that Willow died." Sometimes she gets shy and wants me to do the talking for her.

We got some books about death/goodbyes and thought about good things about Willow.  We have been telling lots of Willow stories.  In her absence, I always think about all the mischief she got into, like eating bouquets, trying to chew on Cordelia's fairy house, scratching up the carpet, knocking over glasses of water…. And yet, she was the best cat.  It's hard to adjust to being a 1 cat household.  I started to respond to a Craigslist inquiry about if we had pets and wrote "we have cats" and had to change it to "we have a cat".

I have started to assemble Willow pictures, but it's a time consuming task and I haven't made the album yet.  I know I need to for Cordelia.  She gets so happy when she sees a Willow picture.  I wonder if Willows late-kitten and teen years with Charlotte back in Riverside made her so good with kids. Or else she and Cordelia just truly had a good relationship.  I'm so glad of my brave fearless Willow cat and how she taught Cordelia to be a good pet owner, and all the nights she spent at our feet, closest to the door, guarding me and Jason with her trilling purr and shooting the breeze by a fan. I love you my fat cat.  My sweet, fur baby. You filled my life and my heart with joy.

Phoebe 7 months

Almost 8 months… how is that possible?

It took forever to get to 8 months with Cordelia.  I may have said that about 6 months too, but it's true.  Time just whizzes by when you have two little ones and a full time job.  I remember 8 months was a big transition for us with Cordelia, since I believe that is around when she started to crawl.  It is also the age she was when we moved from our old apartment to where we live now.  So this whole time, I've always had some division in my head of memories of baby Cordelia and baby Phoebe because they took place in different settings.  But very soon, Phoebe will be the same age as my memories of baby Cordelia in this home.  That is so crazy to me.

Phoebe is going to be crawling soon.  She is definitely on the move.  She can go backwards and rotate herself around in a circle. I place pillows at the edge of the bed so that she doesn't scoot herself off.  So far it has helped.  Phoebe is starting to lift herself up on her hands and push up and even today, I saw her kind of get up onto her knees-- it looked like a traditional crawling position.  Cordelia was also a traditional crawler, while I know others who have army crawled or spider-monkeyed their way across the floor.  If she sees things like phones or remotes, she wants to GO FOR IT! She tries to lean and grab whatever she wants and is very intent-- it is getting harder to distract her.

My spring break is next week and I am going to have to use it to seriously commit to cleaning up our place and BABY-PROOFING. I am not sure what I am going to do about all of Cordelia's tiny little things, like doll house furniture and jewels and beads.  With Cordelia we gated off the play area, but that is where there are some prime choking hazards right now.  We have the pack and play set up so Phoebe has a Safe Place, but once she starts crawling, I think that will get old fast.

We are going to have to track down some new baby gates too, since we lent our baby gates to some friends and they are in the midsts of moving across country (already partially moved over there) and renegotiating gates at this point would be a huge hassle, if they haven't already taken them with them, which would be awkward.  So, new gates will have to be a thing.

Phoebe is also getting very good at sitting, if you prop her up. But sometimes she tips over, which is dangerous on Cordelia's bed, if she hits the railing.

This week I gave her some teething biscuits! I never gave any to Cordelia, but then, she also has more teeth!  As of March 17th (St. Patrick's Day!) 3 more of Phoebe's top teeth came in… so now she has 6 teeth! That is already more than Cordelia had when she was 1! I realize I keep comparing the sisters, but I feel like it's almost an academic interest! I love how Phoebe is developing, and it is interesting to consider the different rates between the babies.

Another thing that happened this weekend: Phoebe started babbling! Dadadada! Mamamama. Babababa! It's is very, very adorable! I get a thrill every time I hear it!

We have been having lots of germs over the last two weeks. I thought maybe Cordelia had a bladder infection because she was very red down there and said it hurt when she peed, but I wasn't sure if that was just irritation, or something else.  So we went to her new Doctor, and she had to pee in potty seat attachment.  Much better than me trying to catch her pee in a cup!  Surprisingly, her cultutre grew Strep, even though she had no other symptoms! But by then, my throat was starting to hurt and then I got all they symptoms! I had a huge fever, it sucked!  I had to battle with Kaiser to give me antibiotics to start before my own strep test came back, but managed to convince them, as my daughter also had Strep.  No fun!

Anyway, as we started to recover from that, but then on Friday Cordelia spiked a big fever herself, 105.   We went back to the dr.'s, just to be told it was a virus, but I still like to know that there wasn't something bigger.  I also had her check Phoebe, even though there wasn't much to her beyond a diaper rash and runny nose and cough.  But it's good to know she had no signs of strep.  I hope Jason isn't silently carrying strep either, to reinfect us when we get off our antibiotics, as my older sister was for me and RC, when we were kids.

Anyway, 1 week till my Spring Break starts! We are going to try seeing if Phoebe will sleep in the crib.  But I am going to miss having her in our bed so bad.  I love being able to check if she is breathing anytime and even on a monitor, that's hard to tell.  But maybe with a sleeping companion, Cordelia will not be lonely in the night. We can dream, right?

Dreamer

This morning I was in a deep sleep when Cordelia appeared in our room and said "There are two poops in my room."

Just what parents want to hear upon waking up!

We pressed her for more information and she would only repeat "There are two poops in my room."

I tired to narrow things down. "Is it Cordelia's poop or cat poop?"

To our relief, she said, "Cat poop."

Jason went to look and I soon heard him say, "Those are shoes!" They were little, black Elsa and Anna shoes, which in the dark had resembled cat poops to her!

As agreed, Jason let me sleep in as he had the chance to do so yesterday.  But then I went to sleep and dreamed that I was taking the kids to the doctor and was running late. And then I was lost and could not find the right building.  Not a great, restful dream!!

Phoebe at 6 months

Phoebe has turned 6 months old already!

We gave her her first taste of rice cereal a few days early, at Papa's birthday, when the whole K. family was gathered at Yokoso's for lunch. She just had a little taste, but has taken to food quite well. She has had rice cereal, avocado, sweet potato, banana, prunes, applesauce, and now carrots. It has made her a little constipated, especially if we gave her a homemade mash. I think it was still too thick, so we are going to make it thinner. With Cordelia we made a fair amount of our own food, but Phoebe is getting a bit more Gerber's, as our Baby Bullet blender is still loaned out to a friend we haven't seen in a while.

Another very small hallmark of being 6 months is that Phoebe's dry skin has been a little bit better, and in fact, her fuzzy leg hair that she has had since birth has disappeared. I was wondering if she was going to stay hairy, as I know a few kids (including girls)  that already have hairy legs, but now she has creamy baby skin.  If I don't write that down, I will no doubt forget all about it. She has some cute folds and rolls…. not a super fat baby, but she has some delicious chub to her.

Phoebe slept through the night a few times after starting food and one Saturday I skipped pumping in the morning and just tried to get away with feeding on both sides a little. Then Phoebe took a long nap and went super long between day feedings.  I thought everything was fine, but then Boom! Sunday I had pain in my left boob, fever, chills…. mastitis struck! I never even felt a plugged duct! It came on very fast, but at least I knew what was going on and was able to get on antibiotics by the end of the day. Since then, I have been pumping in the mornings and also Phoebe has usually been waking up at least once again.

Phoebe is getting better at naps too! It is so helpful having a baby that takes a pacifier.  She also likes her back gently stroked while she sleeps on her tummy (DR said it's fine now!). It is just another distinct difference between her and her sister.  I never tried to put Cordelia on her tummy as you're not supposed to, whereas now I am much more willing to try what works.  Cordelia never took a paci and never liked her back patted.  It made her thrash about, trying to get you to pick her up.  Phoebe seems to sleep even better if you put her down.  She is in our bed now, no basket and doing well, but sometimes rolls into our space, especially Jason.  Ah well. I still like having her close by.

Phoebe loves Belle. She gets so excited and wants to touch her when she sees her.  I am hoping one of her first words will be CAT!

We went to our new pediatrician, as Jason's insurance changed.  I liked her a lot.  Phoebe got 4 shots and another rotovirus drink. She had a fever after the shots and that continued for a few days to be followed by snotty nose.  So I guess she has Cordelia's cold.  Also, maybe teething? I know last month she had a runny nose right when she got her teeth in.

It's raining a lot! Time for bed!